I was sixteen years old the first time I remember hearing God called El Roi, “The God Who Sees Me.” It felt like such a profound and personal name for a God that I loved but didn’t truly know or understand at the time. And it was a name that stuck with me, that kept pulling at the corners of my mind, though I didn’t then know why. Now I do.Read More
Rejoice. Be glad. Delight.
Friend, do these words describe you in the midst of your grief? Or does the mere mention of the word rejoice cause you to scoff?Read More
Of course the death of my precious boy did result in suffering “grief in all kinds of trials,”and in light of all of eternity, my sorrow—though it last all of my days on earth—is but for a little while, but was this verse really suggesting that my son died simply to make my faith more genuine?
About 2 months after Max’s death, I found myself at a dear friend’s wedding. She had just danced her father/daughter dance as her husband walked out onto the floor with his mom. I felt my chest tighten and a lump form in my throat.Read More
Mama, I know how hard and lonely it is to lose a child—especially a first child. I know how confusing it is to feel your motherhood deep in your bones but have nothing to show for it.Read More
My journey to motherhood has not been what I expected.
I’m sure that a lot of people can say this; but so far, my journey has been utterly disappointing.Read More
I have a beautiful life - a blessed life. But it’s not the life I ever imagined I would have... (originally published in Frisco Style Magazine)Read More
Hey there. I’m your mom. I just learned you existed, and to be honest, I’m kind of in shock. See, you have 2 siblings already, but they didn’t get to stay here with your dad and me.Read More
To the mama whose arms are empty this Mother’s Day –
I see you. I see your pain. I see your emptiness. I see your grief. I see your longing. But mostly, I see your love...Read More
I first heard the term “rainbow baby” following the loss of my first child due to miscarriage in January 2016. At the time it seemed like a fitting, if not a little too cheesy, name for what I hoped would follow our devastating loss. But now, 7 weeks out from the birth and subsequent death of my “rainbow” son, Max, I’m not a fan of the phrase....Read More
I live in a world of trapdoors - seemingly harmless moments that most people step right over, unscathed, never seeing the potential danger, while I go tumbling down into a deep, dark basement where I am confronted yet again by grief, sadness, broken promises, and unmet expectations...Read More
I don’t think anyone has ever described me as a laid back person. Sometimes I dream about being a girl that can go with the flow, never wear makeup, and not worry about personal boundaries...Read More
2016 began with great joy as my husband and I celebrated our first pregnancy - one that quickly ended in miscarriage on January 14th, around 7/8 weeks....Read More