Dear Baby - A Letter to my 3rd Child
I originally wrote this post hours after my first (of MANY) positive pregnancy tests, approximately 4 months after Max's birth and death. I was truly in shock and trying to feel something - anything. This is what came out.
Since writing this letter, we have learned that we are expecting another little boy, Lachlan Pierce Martin. Unless he takes after big brother and wants to come early, we're scheduled to meet him via c-section on Max's 1st birthday and glory day, December 27th, 2017.
Hey there. I’m your mom. I just learned you existed, and to be honest, I’m kind of in shock. See, you have 2 siblings already, but they didn’t get to stay here with your dad and me. Your first (brother) didn’t hang around very long before he opened his eyes and saw Jesus. Then your brother, Max, came and rocked our worlds. We learned so much about how to be parents, love each other, and hand our plans and desires over to Jesus because of that big brother of yours.
Before Max and the Martian (that’s the silly name we use for your biggest brother since we technically don’t know if it was a brother or sister, but somehow we have a feeling), your dad and I thought that being parents was just the next fun thing to do after you’d been married for a while. Don’t get me wrong, we were both pretty pumped about the whole thing, but we hadn’t really considered what parenthood was all about. The Martian taught us that each one of your children changes you, whether you meet them or not. He taught us that we had no control and that God’s plan is always better than our plan. Losing your biggest brother taught us a lot, but we had no idea what was coming.
Your brother, Max, was literally the light of our world. From the day we found out about him we were thrilled. That little boy brought us so much joy. Even while he brought us a lot of anxiety, many challenges, and ultimately a whole lot of pain, he was everything we could have hoped for and more. He taught us how to embrace the hard stuff alongside the good stuff. He taught us to run to Jesus first and then to each other for strength and something solid to hold onto. He taught us about love and acceptance. And his death taught us about faith in the face of fire.
Now here we are, learning about your little life. Your dad and I simply are not the people we were 16 months ago when we tentatively held our first positive pregnancy test and stared with wonder. When I look at these 2 little pink lines, proof that you exist, I don’t just see lines, I see life. Your life.
Baby, you are so loved. You are so wanted. You are so prayed for. Even if we never get to meet you, though I pray fervently that we do, you’re gonna change us, kid. You’re part of the Martin clan now – our third child. You’re forever a part of our family.
I really hope that God lets you stay for awhile. I think we’re pretty awesome parents, and hopefully you’ll agree. I can’t wait to learn more about the incredible ways Jesus wired you and knit you together. I can’t wait to see what you and your life teaches us. But no matter who you are, what you’re like, or how long you stick around, you’re stuck with us, kiddo. You’re our child, our precious little love, now and forever.
Love you all the much,