My Uterus - My Business
I’ve been married to my amazing husband, Dustin, for 4.5 years. It doesn't matter if you've been married 10 years or 10 minutes... if you don't have kids yet, you've most likely heard the imminent question: “When are you going to have a baby?!?!” My typical response when asked this somewhat indelicate question, is to simply glide past it with a reply like, “Oh, I don’t know…hehe”, which never goes over well. People need answers! People need a timeline!
However, when it come to my uterus, I don’t think that I should have to share this information with you, unless:
- You are my husband
- You are my OBGYN
- You are one of my besties
When put on the spot, it can sometimes be very difficult to evade the question. Thankfully, I am not currently going through any sort of trauma, loss, or fertility issues, but the first thought that always pops into my head when asked this question is, “What if I was? What if I just had a miscarriage? What if I've been trying unsuccessfully for years to have a baby?”
I have quite a few friends dealing with fertility issues, so that is on my mind frequently. What appears on the surface to be a simple, maybe even natural question about babies, can bring up not-so-pretty issues and a lot of hurt for some people. Through talking to friends who are struggling to have babies, I've learned that this question can be painful or even triggering. You never know what someone is going through privately and if this question could hurt them. But, even if that person isn't struggling, it's still a very personal question.
Honestly, at my current life stage, this question implies that my husband I are not enough; that we are not a “complete” family. We are most definitely a complete family! Yes, one day soon I would like to add to our family, but that does not mean that during this time before we have children, we are not still a family. I am soaking up this time with just the two of us (+ our pups, Ranger and Murphy). Our little family can literally do anything right now! We love going to Blue Goose on Thursdays for a margarita or hanging out with friends during the week just because we can. It is so fun!
Of course, I know that I too have often been guilty of asking this question. But as I'm learning more and more, I realize that I often have no idea what someone is going through, and that I need to be sensitive.
So, the next time you find yourself wanting to ask someone when they are having a baby, ask yourself why you're wondering. If it's just because you're nosy or it seems like a natural question, maybe don't ask... If it's because you genuinely care about this person and want to know what's going in their life, go ahead and ask. But if you do ask, please do so with complete sensitivity, and be okay with whatever response they give you, even if it's not much of a response at all.
In conclusion, I do not dislike babies. I LOVE babies! I want lots of them! And hopefully sometime soon! But for today, my family is complete with Dustin, Murphy, Ranger and me.